Parents Need Sex Too

I hear it all the time from parents and I am willing to bet that either you or one of your friends has said it.

“We don’t have time to have sex. We have small kids.”

Get the fuck out of here with that. That is a bullshit excuse.

Yeah, I hear you.  You are sooo busy.  Guess what?  Everyone is busy, but you make time for things that are important to you.  I’m too busy to feed my kids, but I know they need to eat, so I do it anyway.

Your kids don’t go to bed until 9, which is also about the time your husband falls asleep watching ESPN?  Cool.  It’s time to have a conversation with him.  Have you tried that yet?

Maybe it’s the one hour of the day that you’re going to see your husband, because your schedules just don’t align.  Girl, hand those kids some tablets and lock yourselves in the closet if you have to.  It probably won’t take long.

A friend of mine, at the ripe old age of 24 and parent of one child, told me, “My wife and I have sex about once a month.  There just isn’t time and we are tired.”  No, no, no.  Just no.

Sex is so damn important in a long-term relationship and I am here to tell you this – your marriage will not survive without some nurturing.  I am a firm believer that a marriage or partnership should be prioritized over what the children want.  Note that I said WANT.  I am not advocating starving your kids or skipping diaper changes so you can bang your spouse or cuddle in your bedroom.  What I am saying is you have to be honest with yourselves and realize you just aren’t making the time for one another….and when that happens, things go downhill.

Look, I homeschool 4 kids and work from home.  My fiance works 14-hour days.  Guess who is having sex a lot?  That would be us.

How?

  1. We lock the damn door.
  2. We put our phones away when we get in bed.
  3. We don’t limit ourselves to bedtime.  A Saturday afternoon during an obnoxious YouTube video works great, especially when you’ve had mimosas all morning.
  4. We just GO for it.  Sometimes one of us is super sleepy and clearly not in the mood, but we strip off our clothes and go for a good kiss.
  5. We stay intimate in every way.  Once that is lost, it’s hard to get back..not impossible, but hard. So we tell each other our dreams and secrets and we hug a lot and hold hands in the store.  We laugh a lot and goodness, we drink so well together.  Drinks never hurt.
  6. I take care of myself.  For some women, this isn’t as important.  For me, I feel so much sexier and in the mood when I have on a gorgeous red lip and a satin robe or a dress.  If I am constantly in leggings and a ponytail when he comes home from work, I will never feel hot.

Tonight, put on something pretty, lock the damn door and go for it.

Weekend Roundup: Our 5 Most Read Posts

We are kicking off this new series to give weekend or new readers a good place to start with what to read!

Today, we give you our top five posts.  These are the five posts that, from our start in February 2017, have gotten the most views.  Have you read them all?

5. 5 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Love – This post, by Rhonda, is a super personal and heartfelt post written for anyone out there who needs some lessons in love.

4. Three Years – An ode to Rhonda’s daughter and a look at how she changed everything.

3. The Story of My Tattoo: Ashley – Ashley got a tattoo on a drunken adventure, but the meaning behind it is a long-held lesson of love.

2. From Arrest to Engagement – How an arrest changed Rhonda’s life for the better.

1. Nipstick – A titillating look at a very personal lip color, by Rhonda and Ashley.

After you read through, share your favorites to social media!  Happy Weekend!

Week In Review: Rhonda

Another week behind us.  It was a really good one, y’all.  There were some very, very bad moments, but overall it was amazing.  Isn’t it weird though how short weeks actually feel extremely long?!

Stuart had to work on Monday, but was able to get out early enough to grill for us again.  We live for that shit.

Independence Day has always been my absolute favorite holiday.  There is nothing better than spending time outdoors with sunshine, family, grilled meats, and all things ‘Merica.  It was a lovely one!  Stuart even took a plain supermarket cake and put berries on it.  He’s the cutest!

Jonathan did my makeup live for Wine Wednesday over on our Facebook page (make sure you’re tuning in for those because we are just getting started).

 

Sadly, Jonathan left Thursday and I wanted to cry.  However, I rallied and got my ass to work.  I worked so much on Thursday and Friday, that it all blurred together.  Being your own boss is amazing, but there is NOTHING easy about it.

Saturday, we went to the pool.  It was a great time for all of us, but my favorite parts of the day are always when we come home and grill.

After working over mimosas, we spent Sunday doing our usual things – going to work with Stuart and grilling.

 


 

Week In Review: Rhonda

Goodness, the last few weeks have been a blur and there are days I completely lose, it seems.  I now have a date for when the kids are going to their dad’s again and I am determined to make the most of those two weeks.  But for now, let’s look back on the past week.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were full of BossBabe-ing and Momming, as most of my weekdays are.  We took a couple of trips to the grocery store and post office and I ran two Facebook parties for my lip biz.

I also unboxed my FabFitFun box as the first installment of a new series on our blog page – Wine Wednesdays LIVE.  Make sure you like our page so you don’t miss those.

Friday, I got up early and hit the ground running, because my oldest “son” was driving my way!  I took another load of packages to the post office AFTER a run to the grocery store.  Then I came home to clean the house and make dinner.  He got in about 4 o’clock.

We lived our weekend as we usually do, but with the addition of Jonathan.  The kids instantly fell in love with him and I think he kinda likes them too.  Ooooh, Quentin decided he wanted to start cutting his own food and he did great!

Obviously, we ended both Saturday and Sunday with grilling and patio time.  We also took some time on Saturday afternoon to go to Stuart’s work and to buy water guns for these triple digit days we’ve been having.

It has been an absolute joy to have Jonathan here and I know we will be sad to see him go!

What was the highlight of your week?

Week In Review: Rhonda

As you know, we had a lot going on and skipped our Week in Review last week.  So I going to to just hit the highlights.  I had a kid-free two weeks, so it was both relaxing and productive, with a good dose of fun!

Tuesday and Wednesday, I took advantage of my solo status and worked at Starbucks and Buffalo Wild Wings…with shopping breaks.  I got a lot of blogging, working, and writing done, along with a healthy dose of people watching.

Thursday and Friday were spent getting some stuff done around the house and relaxing. I worked on some wedding party stuff, which was really exciting.  Friday night was supposed to be the night that Ashley arrived for a visit, but the airline had different ideas, so we invited Stuart’s coworker over to grill.  Stuart grills a mean steak.

Ashley finally arrived Saturday and we had a wonderful whirlwind day.  Shopping, happy hour, a tattoo for Ashley, and a night at the Fort Worth Stockyards.

I finally got to start wedding dress shopping.  More to come on that later.  Suffice it to say, nothing I tried worked, but I got a better idea of what I wanted.

After a Thursday afternoon spent at Starbucks working, Friday brought about a great surprise – Stuart took the day off to take care of our internet issues.  Once those were cured, we went to visit the marketing coordinator at our preferred venue.  We were happy to determine that it is THE place for us.  I’ll tell you more later!  Later that evening, Stuart surprised me with a date night to our favorite steakhouse.  I can’t recommend enough that you try out The Keg in Arlington for the kind of steak that that nearly gives you an orgasm.

We spent Saturday with all the relaxation.  We stopped by an open house for a rental house.  It was oddly situated in a sketchy neighborhood but was a super nice house.    Stuart once again surprised me as we dropped by our wedding venue for a quick beer (they were about to close).  We came home to grill again, which is always a good idea.

Sunday was our final morning without children, so we had brunch, then went to Stuart’s messy-ass office for him to do some work.  Then we hit the road to get the kids, which is always a grand adventure.

What did you do this week?  Get into anything fun?

 

Stop Living For the Freakin’ Weekend

I can admit that I’ve been this person who counts down to Friday…just waiting for the weekend to come so that I can live.  While I do still very much look forward to the weekends, my life got exponentially better when I stopped living for the weekend.  Yours can be that way too.

Here’s the thing, y’all.  There are seven days in a week.  What happens when you spend a good chunk of the week in a blur, waiting for Saturday?  You lose valuable time that you can never get back.

What about the weekend makes it more special than the weekdays for you?

Do you work Monday through Friday and off on weekends? And do you dislike that job?  Is it stressful?  Do you hate school days because of all the chaos that comes with that?  Maybe you are a stay-at-home parent and your other half works weekdays so you look forward to having an adult around on the weekend.

For me, there were times when I did not place much value on the weekends because I was a retail manager and usually worked.  I worked a couple of jobs that were typical weekday jobs and they were highly stressful, so I looked forward to that weekend break and time with my family.  Currently, working for myself from home and homeschooling four children, I crave those weekends, which bring time with Stuart and help around the house.  He works very long days, so I don’t even get to look forward to time in the evenings with him much.

Somewhere along the way, I changed in the last few months.  I started just taking advantage of blocks of time every day.  It took deciding that I was going to be positive and enjoy each and every ordinary day.

A random Tuesday doesn’t have to be full of plans and fun moments to be enjoyed.  It takes a simple action – a naptime margarita, a playdate with your best friend and her kids, watching shitty reality TV in your room while the kids watch YouTube videos, a trip to Ulta or a solo movie while your kids are at school.

There are two things I do every weekday to make sure I am taking care of my mental health and just living my life to the fullest.

  1. My pre-dinner ritual.  Whether or not the kids are home, I turn up my favorite music, pour a drink, and dance around the kitchen while I make dinner.  Trust me, it makes cooking dinner less of a routine chore and more of a moment to be enjoyed.  Sometimes I Snapchat the moment.  Sometimes I Instagram it.  Sometimes I leave my phone on the charger and just soak it in.
  2. Naptime routine.  My boys do not nap and Claudia rarely does, but we still make it part of the day.  They get in their beds, I put on the TV or hand them a tablet, and I take a coffee or beer to my room.  I lock the door and watch DVRed shows, workout, blog, do my makeup…whatever I want to do in peace.  They aren’t allowed to so much as knock on the door unless someone is hurt.

You don’t have to do the same things I do to make your day good.  But do something that makes you happy.  Soak in a bath, text a good friend, watch horrible TV, go for a walk, read a book, sit in Starbucks.

Every day is special.  Every.  Freaking.  One.  Because you’re still alive…. And the weekend will be here before you know it.  Now go live.

[t-shirt here]

Wedding Planning – Introduction

When Stuart and I got engaged this past December, I knew that I wanted to have the whole to-do.  Both of us had gotten married at the courthouse with our previous marriages and while that is lovely and gets the job done, I just wanted something different this time.  I wanted those who love us and support our relationship to be able to witness our union.  At the same time, I also knew that we wanted something personal and intimate that wouldn’t break the bank.

We set a date, then put off wedding planning until after my beach vacation.  I had too much else to focus on and pay for, so it just didn’t make sense to really get into it.  Now, here we are over a month after my vacation and I am just over 300 days away from my wedding date.  What have I planned?  Well, let’s see…

  • Date: CHECK!
  • Venue: Yeah, not so much.
  • Photographer: I have narrowed it down to a couple options.
  • Catering: I have some ideas…ish.
  • Wedding Party: Bride’s, yes.  Groom, uh…pretty sure we haven’t even talked about it.
  • Dress: Ha!
  • Aesthetic: Got that lined up!
  • Guest list: Sort of.  It has been discussed and it’s small enough that I could make the list in 5 minutes.

Safe to say we haven’t done shit.  I bought a planning binder, decided I didn’t like it…bought another.  I picked out my bridal party and they know who they are.  I know what the colors and feel of the wedding are.  I sort of know what I want in a dress and I have some ideas for catering.

We just really need this venue thing nailed down before we can do much else.  And here’s the thing – we have a venue in mind, but we also would prefer to do it in our own backyard….but we don’t have one.  We are trying to find a house and I hope it’s soon so that we CAN figure out if we want to get married there or elsewhere.

What I definitely know about our wedding is it will be intimate, personal, and very us.  In the same way I rage against the MOMachine, I will very much be raging against the wedding industry.  I have zero desire to just go along with and pay for everything I’m “supposed to.”  No thank you.  So you’ll see a lot of DIY and unusual ideas here.

Anyway, I will be posting an update to this series any time I feel like there is something to update on.  First installment will be about my bridal party and that is coming soon!

Anyone else really drag their feet in planning their wedding?

Week In Review – Rhonda

Another week has passed and I have to say, it was a damn good one for me.  I felt great and got a lot done.

Monday was a little bit of a rocky start, as Mondays tend to be.  My kids were cranky and fought half the day.  I did get some work done though, thanks to the power of music to motivate me.  We ran to the post office, which my kids love to do for some reason.

Tuesday, we started a solar system unit, which the kids have really been enjoying.  It’s one of those topics that every age can understand, which makes teaching them much easier.  During their naptime, I had beer and Fritos and tried to relax but I had so much work to do that I really just wore myself out trying to speed-work.

In the evening, I made a stop for some wine and cranked up the music while I cleaned the kitchen.  I got all up in my emotions thanks to music, but it was all very therapeutic. Sometimes you just need a good cry.

Lil’ Mama and I hit up Target on Wednesday, after I successfully placed a highly coveted Lipsense inventory order.  We had a lot of fun checking out their new carnival-inspired toddler girl clothes.  They are to die for.  In the evening, I looked at houses and wedding venues until my eyes were crossing.  Both wedding planning and house hunting are exhausting.

Stuart had the car Thursday, so I did a lot of housework after school.  I also cleaned my makeup brushes and made a lovely margarita to go with the taco salad I cooked.  Stuart came home with a big surprise – my first ever bouquet of flowers.  I have had flowers in the past, just not from a significant other.  It was such a simple gesture, but it meant everything to me.  So did the tequila he brought me.

Friday, we went grocery shopping once Claudia finally woke up.  Food shopping is one of those things I really enjoy, so it’s always a good day when I can do that.  Throw in some beautiful weather and making a few sales and it really was just a lovely day.

Sweet, sweet weekend.  No matter how good my week is, I am always excited for the weekend.  There is nothing better than boozy brunches, time with Stuart, and having help with the kids.  Saturday, we did our usual brunch routine and I played with makeup while Stuart handled some work stuff.  When he got back, we spent time outside grilling and listening to music.

Sunday was a lot like Saturday – brunch, makeup, grilling and hanging outside.  I started the day out by opening my Mother’s Day gifts though.  A stack of birthstone bangles to add to my Alex and Ani collection – PERFECT. They also brought me more flowers!  I got spoiled.

I mean, I don’t think my weekend could have been any better.  It was amazing.  Tell me about your Mother’s Day!

 

What Mom Really Wants: An Unfiltered Gift Guide

Mother’s Day is coming up in just a few days.  You can find gift guides all over the web and for the most part, they all include the same things – flowers, jewelry, spa gift cards.  Those are all great things, but as a real-life mother of four, I’m going to let you in on a little secret – you’re missing some really important shit.

Wine.  Or maybe the mother in your life prefers whiskey, tequila, or beer.  Still good options.  But seriously, give your mother or baby mama the booze of her choice.  It is affordable and can be purchased last-minute (you know who you are).  And you know what?  It’s hard out there for a mama.  She needs this.

Solitude.  When she gets that drink, she is going to need peace to enjoy it.  Nothing worse than sipping on a frosty beer and being constantly interrupted with requests and complaints.  It can be hard to finish a cup of coffee while warm or an adult beverage while cold.  I have been known to drop a couple of cubes of ice in my chardonnay because between potty training, sibling squabbles, and someone always wanting a drink, it can take an hour to finish a single glass.  Even if she isn’t having a drink, time to finish a thought, read a book, or talk to a friend can be so therapeutic.  Some of my best Mother’s Days have been spent solo, shopping, seeing a movie, or napping.  So take the kids out of the house for the day or send her off guilt-free.

Shopping.  Yep, it’s cliche but it is so true.  Most women love shopping.  Maybe she isn’t that person, but I bet she would appreciate free rein to spend a little money on something.  Moms often take care of everyone else first and there’s not time, energy, or money left for herself after everyone else is handled.  Whether she chooses to buy some fresh shrimp, a new mop, or the latest eyeshadow palette, a Visa gift card or just a little grace to spend from the joint account without judgment goes a long way.

Some fucking sleep and help and shit.  Some mothers are lucky enough to have a partner who shares household duties equally, but more mothers do not.  If your partnership agrees on that balance, all is good, but that doesn’t mean that on this day meant to honor Mom, you can’t pick up some slack.  Handle the meals and clean-up, and for fuck’s sake, change the diapers and wake up with the baby.  Acts of service really show appreciation and respect in the way a bouquet of flowers can’t.  At the end of the day, be sure to express you can personally see how much she does and that you truly appreciate her.  After all, isn’t that what the day is all about (aside from upping the revenue for Hallmark)?

What would you add?  What do you most appreciate on Mother’s Day?

 

 

Week In Review: Rhonda

Oh boy… the first week back after vacation is always a killer.  I seriously was not myself for the first several days.  My mind was somewhere on a beach, sippin’ something strong.  I’m back now though, for the most part.  It’s been a fun week and I’m happy to be settling back into some normalcy.

You already know I was still at the beach Monday and that part of Tuesday was spent traveling home.  Stuart took off work early to pick me up from the airport and I came home to lots of presents and a spotless house.  What more could I ask for?  Oh, how about a pan-seared tuna steak and a glass of wine?

Wednesday was the day to pick up the kids, but I had all day to myself.  I can’t even tell you what I did.  I slept, worked a little, watched TV, and cleaned.  Then Stuart came home with another gift, a perfect adult coloring book.  We jammed to some favorite tunes in the car, then stopped for dinner before scooping up the kids.

I woke up motivated Thursday, slowly getting back to normal life.  I pounded some coffee, worked out, received MORE gifts, and cooked a healthy dinner.

Friday was Cinco de Mayo, which is really just an excuse to drink tequila in case I feel like I need one.  I took the kids to my favorite store, Total Wine, where I growled at them because they couldn’t stop touching things. Surely you all know the mom growl that we use in public when polite reminders are working but you don’t want to be the Yelling Mom.  I got my tequila and came home to make taquitos, nachos, and margaritas.

If you’ve been reading this blog from the beginning you know how much I love my weekends.  You also know that we always start with my super strong mimosas and sometimes never get out of bed.  This Saturday, we stepped outside the box a little.  After boozy brunch, we went to the water park where we have season passes.  We really had a great time and everyone enjoyed soaking up some sun.

Sunday was closer to the usual weekend.  After boozy brunch, we just kept on sipping all day.  I never got dressed and I don’t think I even brushed my hair.  Sometimes, you just want to lie down and spend time with your people.

It was the perfect week for getting back into the swing of things.  I am mostly back to normal now, working my ass off and being healthy.

Do you have a hard time bouncing back after vacation?