This past Sunday (April 2) my first born, my baby boy, turned four years old. It seems so ridiculous and obvious to say…but I can’t believe it. I look at him and am in awe at how much of a little boy and not a baby that he is now. 🙁 There’s something about your first born. That little tiny human who made you a mommy. Especially when you can still remember how badly you wanted to become a mom.
When I think back to before I had Cooper I think about how I really didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted my life to look like. What I did know? I knew I wanted….I needed a child. I had to be a mom. That was one part of who I always thought I’d be that I knew I could not…and would not let go of. My life would not be complete or whole or a life that I wanted to live – unless I could become a mom. I know that there are so many women who have and who currently feel this same way. It’s so hard to put into words the desperation that you can feel over a desire to have a baby – to become someone’s mom. You would throw caution to the wind. You would do whatever you had to do. You would spend ridiculous amounts of money. You would do anything. And everything. To be called Mom. To be Mom. To have a child that is yours. Yours forever. For always. You don’t think about all the inconveniences, fears, bad days, crying, sleepless nights, tantrums, doubts….You don’t think about any of that when you need a child.
Making a baby. Finding a baby. That becomes the priority. You don’t even consider what you want or need beyond that. At least, I know I didn’t. I was blinded by my hunger for motherhood. And I was so fortunate to be able to fulfill that hunger.
Cooper and I have been through it together. There are a lot of people in my life who I feel like have helped make me the mom that I am. I have had the opportunity to be around some fantastic women, especially my own mom, who I feel like I draw upon for inspiration when it comes to raising my children. However, Cooper has been the biggest influencer when it comes to making me the mommy that I am today. We’ve learned together.
When you are the first – things are a lot different for you and for your parents. I think part of me really relates to Cooper, because I can see my personality in him and I was also the first born. We set the tone and the pace for things. He, by default, is the standard by which my parenting choices are measured. When I talk about things Sophie is doing…I almost always compare it to the way Cooper behaved in similar situations.
Cooper is not a morning person. I can so relate. He’s not really himself until he gets that cup of milk and some chill time. I don’t drink milk…but I let me tell you I’m not myself without some coffee in the morning. And really…how about you just don’t talk to us until we’ve had a few moments to adjust to having to be awake? 😉
He is incredibly stubborn and ferociously curious about the world he lives in. He will ask you why, a million different ways, until he fully understands and grasps a concept. It’s really rare that he’ll take a response along the lines of “because that’s just how it is”. He honestly wants to know WHY it is that way…and HOW it is that way. He’s not just asking why to ask why…he really wants to know.
This kid. He has got an insane memory. Things that happened YEARS ago. He remembers. He’ll bring up an instance all on his own. And we just all look at each other in amazement that he even remembered.
Also, don’t rush the man. He will do things in his own time and in his own way. Most times, you have to wait for something to all of a sudden become “his idea” before he will agree to do it. 😉
Some of his favorite people to be around are his grandparents. I am so grateful and happy that he has such loving relationships with both sets of grandparents. He sees them all every single week, and he just really can’t get enough.
He also is one lucky little boy because all of his aunts and uncles love him probably just as much as his mommy and daddy. I love that most of his immediate family is close to us – and that he gets to see them on a regular basis. Sophie and Cooper are pretty much on their own when it comes to having cousins near their age BUT their older cousins and aunts and uncles never ever hesitate to play and entertain.
We celebrated Coop’s Birthday Sunday afternoon at The Little Chidren’s Park in Downtown Ocean Springs. Coop calls it the “yellow park”…and pretty much requested that party location since he turned three there last year. 😉 We had a great afternoon. The rain held off…and Coop had a blast running around playing. Power Rangers are his current obsession..so a Power Ranger Party we had.
And…now because this is my blog..I’m going to get a little cheesy and say something to my child that can’t read…but hey:
Buddy, maybe one day you’ll read this – and I just wanted to say that I love you so much and on April 2, 2013 at 3:30 am …when you made me a mommy…that was a day that I had waited for such a long time…and every time I look at you I am grateful to have you in my life – and that you call me mommy….even when it’s you whining about having to take a nap. 😉