Wedding Planning – Introduction

When Stuart and I got engaged this past December, I knew that I wanted to have the whole to-do.  Both of us had gotten married at the courthouse with our previous marriages and while that is lovely and gets the job done, I just wanted something different this time.  I wanted those who love us and support our relationship to be able to witness our union.  At the same time, I also knew that we wanted something personal and intimate that wouldn’t break the bank.

We set a date, then put off wedding planning until after my beach vacation.  I had too much else to focus on and pay for, so it just didn’t make sense to really get into it.  Now, here we are over a month after my vacation and I am just over 300 days away from my wedding date.  What have I planned?  Well, let’s see…

  • Date: CHECK!
  • Venue: Yeah, not so much.
  • Photographer: I have narrowed it down to a couple options.
  • Catering: I have some ideas…ish.
  • Wedding Party: Bride’s, yes.  Groom, uh…pretty sure we haven’t even talked about it.
  • Dress: Ha!
  • Aesthetic: Got that lined up!
  • Guest list: Sort of.  It has been discussed and it’s small enough that I could make the list in 5 minutes.

Safe to say we haven’t done shit.  I bought a planning binder, decided I didn’t like it…bought another.  I picked out my bridal party and they know who they are.  I know what the colors and feel of the wedding are.  I sort of know what I want in a dress and I have some ideas for catering.

We just really need this venue thing nailed down before we can do much else.  And here’s the thing – we have a venue in mind, but we also would prefer to do it in our own backyard….but we don’t have one.  We are trying to find a house and I hope it’s soon so that we CAN figure out if we want to get married there or elsewhere.

What I definitely know about our wedding is it will be intimate, personal, and very us.  In the same way I rage against the MOMachine, I will very much be raging against the wedding industry.  I have zero desire to just go along with and pay for everything I’m “supposed to.”  No thank you.  So you’ll see a lot of DIY and unusual ideas here.

Anyway, I will be posting an update to this series any time I feel like there is something to update on.  First installment will be about my bridal party and that is coming soon!

Anyone else really drag their feet in planning their wedding?

Improving Intimacy With a Single Action

I am fortunate enough to have found the one whom my soul loves.  While I fully believe that you can live a happy and fulfilled life without finding “the one,” I feel like I actually have that now and it’s just a different kind of happiness.  To be with the person who understands you best and accepts all your flaws is a rare but beautiful thing.  I never want to lose this and so I have really been intentional in this relationship.  I am here to tell you, it has made all the difference.

Anyone can have a hot, passionate, and connected relationship when your time together is devoid of children and responsibility.  That is how it was in the early days of our relationship, when we lived in different states.  Then I moved here, with four kids in tow.  Kids, bills, work, and living with each other’s annoying habits daily started to take their natural toll.  Things were still amazing and we were getting stronger daily, but I started getting frustrated earlier this year.

I couldn’t understand how we were having less sex, something that was glaringly obvious to me because I have a period and sex tracker in my bullet journal.  I use a pink heart to indicate sex and the page was getting a lot less pink.  I knew it wasn’t a matter of physical attraction.  That has never been a problem here.  After thinking for a few days, I was lying in bed one night, texting my BFF Nicole.  As I laughed at our inside jokes, I realized Stuart was drifting off to sleep.  I suddenly realized – FUCK, it’s me.  It’s all me.

I had been obliviously texting and browsing Facebook every night while Stuart quickly fell asleep.  Damn.  What a slap in the face.  I have never been good at taking responsibility for relationship problems.  I knew I had to make a conscious decision to be present in my bedroom.  Every.  Night.

So I did.  I started plugging my phone into the charger (it’s short and I can’t reach it when it’s plugged) when we went to bed.  It worked.  We would watch TV together, with my head on his chest.  Our magic was back.  I won’t get into the extra spicy details, but it was a raving success.  Sometimes I would fall asleep before or with him.  On the nights he would fall asleep first, I would go ahead and check in on my phone.

It absolutely transformed everything and not only in the bedroom.  Everything got better.  We were both happier and more connected.  I speak in the past tense, because when I sat down to write this, I realized that I have been bringing my phone to bed again, mostly to keep up with Poshmark (<- links to my shop, cause I’m a hustla baby) notifications.  I had been doing it with the justification that it was work and I needed to be able to respond to my customers.  However, I have to prioritize and realize our relationship is far more important than immediately letting a customer know that a dress runs true to size.  It can wait.  And now, it will have to.  I will be “clocking out”….. I have a relationship to nourish.