I want to preface my rant with this disclaimer – because what I have to say may be perceived as one sided. I think that there a lot of men out there who are doing a great job at being upstanding human beings. I know some of these men. They are my family. They are my friends. They have employed me. They have been my employees. Unfortunately they are still in the minority. Which is why I have to say what I have to say today.
So – if you’re in the mood… read on.
You would think that in this day and time with all the shouting about women’s rights and the incredible advances that have been made within our parents’ and grandparents’ generations and even the women of today – that there aren’t men still holding women hostage under an outdated ideal of what a family is supposed to look like.
You wouldn’t think there are still men just taking out the trash and washing only their clothes while they expect their significant other to take care the children. Completely.
You wouldn’t think that there are still fathers out there acting like perfectly respectable members of society while they are too much of a coward to step up and realize that they’re literally just acting like a babysitter dad when they are at home.
You wouldn’t think that a man today would place all of his self worth on the amount of money he brings home. I’m sure you’d be surprised to find out there are men who STILL ask their significant other to make career sacrifices so that the children are not neglected while they climb the advancement ladder at work without acknowledging those sacrifices as valid or worthwhile.
You wouldn’t think a Dad who claimed to be better than the rest would up and leave his entire family to go build a new life. In 2018. I know I’d be shocked.
You wouldn’t think a woman could still be afraid to speak her mind or swipe the debit card from her joint account without fear of devastating repercussions from her significant other.
Women get a bad rap. Even other women condone mothers who threaten to hurt the father of their children with outrageous child support claims or taking away visitation rights. I’m not saying women don’t do that. Maybe they do it because they feel powerless? Maybe they do it because they are freaking crazy and shouldn’t have had kids in the first place? BUT I’m telling you there are men out their doing the same damn thing. They’ve been doing it. And they’re still doing it. And it’s never been ok. It will never be ok.
I tell me kids this. I tell my friends this. I’ve told my employees this. You cannot be shocked when someone starts giving back what you gave them.
You try to keep me silent and threaten to take my children away because I don’t have a job and can’t live on my own without you? For years. For years you’ve threatened women with this….and now. Now women start hurling that back at you…you’re surprised? Well – you’re an idiot…and a narcissist of the worst degree.
You’d be surprised to know that there are women still silently suffering. They changed their life for a man who is completely ungrateful and fails to recognize the things they contribute because she can’t deposit them in the bank account.
So don’t say we’re finished. We’re not done fighting for ourselves in the workplace, in everyday social interactions, and we sure as hell are not done at home.
We are not finished, because we are still not seen as equal or fully competent. How so you ask??
– We still have the cops called on us when we are just trying to ask for help from suffering with postpartum depression.
-We’re still afraid our access to affordable birth control will be taken away.
-Our daughters are still being sent home from school because they have to hide their knees and upper thighs and shoulders because they may tempt a man to pounce despite any spoken invitation or consent – not because THEY are afraid this will happen. Their educators are. The adults caring for them at school are. Those people are perpetuating this fear. In a way they are validating this fear.
-We still feel like we need to apologize for crying when we are passionate or emotional about something.
-Men still feel like they need to be ‘careful’ about what they say and do around women. Why? Because they were not taught how to just treat a woman like another human being instead of a fragile sexual object.
We are not finished, because our sons and daughters are being raised by father’s like the ones mentioned above. We are not finished, because we have to prevent our sons and daughters from becoming like the men mentioned above. We are not finished, because we have to stop our sons and daughters from partnering with and raising children with those men.
Being politically active is a fantastic way to fight this fight. Voting for representatives that align with your ideal is an outstanding way to fight this fight. Run for office yourself? Superb. However, I think the biggest battle is within our own homes. On our own streets. In our local grocery store. In any circumstance. For any reason. We have to stand up for ourselves in the everyday. We have to teach our children differently. We have to make a conscious effort to change our way of thinking and the words we use.
We have to rant. We have to rage.