A throat-slitting finale

So last week, life happened and while I watched Real Housewives of Dallas, I couldn’t finish the blog post write-up, so I decided to just do two weeks of drama in this one post.  I am going to just skip to the real nitty gritty because there was so much of it, that I once again can’t be bothered discussing pink dog food and mother-daughter business relationships.

Last week…

Cary and Stephanie meet up.  Cary says in confessional that she feels like the outcast nobody likes now.  Stephanie is voicing concern that maybe their friendship isn’t what she thought it was.  She asks Cary to be honest and tell her whether or not she said she would never be friends with Brandi or Stephanie.  Cary admits she said that because she has been so hurt by Brandi lying about Cary’s comments about her plastic surgeon.   Stephanie says she definitely disagrees with the way Brandi brought up Cary having been Mark’s nanny during the last episode.  Cary advises Stephanie to be true to herself and stop letting Brandi change who she is.

Brandi went to see LeeAnne to see how her flesh eating bacteria is doing.  They discuss Cary, of course.  Brandi says she can’t be friends with Cary if she is continually going to call her a liar.  LeeAnne swears Cary is just manipulating both Stephanie and Brandi.  LeeAnne advises Brandi to tell Stephanie that their friendship will change if she continues to stay close to Cary.

Stephanie and Travis are chatting in the kitchen while she cooks.  They are pleased with how Cruz is doing with his school and tutors.  We learn that Travis dealt with Dyslexia as a child and didn’t have friends.  He couldn’t read until his second time in third grade.  I love their relationship.  He asks her if she turned the oven on and she realizes she hadn’t.  He says “It’s tough to do.” And I am dying with laughter.

We find out Cary and Mark are the only ones in the group not invited to LeeAnne’s engagement party.  LeeAnne wants to talk to Mark about it instead of Cary, hoping for a different perspective.  She wants to try to invite them because her fiance Rich really likes them.  She pulls him aside to discuss it.  He says “I feel like you’re trying to convince me that my wife is a liar.”  He also asks her about calling his plastic surgery practice a chop shop, which she of course denies.

Brandi and Cary discuss the whole Cary-as-the-nanny thing.  She tells Brandi how wrong it is to judge her for having that job.  Brandi agrees that she was out of line to say that.

And Cary calls it…the common denominator in all this drama is LeeAnne.


This week, the finale…

LeeAnne and her mother do not have a good relationship.  Let’s all act surprised.  It is so hard for a psycho to have functional connections.  Just saying.  LeeAnne tells her mother she wants to go to therapy together.   In therapy, her mother reveals that she is scared of LeeAnne hurting her if she lets her walls down.  When LeeAnne was a little girl, her mother would drop her off at her grandparents’ house and she would beg her not to go.  Her biological father walked out on them and she was left as a single mother at 19 years go.  LeeAnne didn’t feel like anybody wanted her.  Okay… still doesn’t explain why you’re so terrible to everyone.

Cary, Stephanie, and Brandi meet up for lunch.  They order tequila shots and margaritas cause these ladies are my spirit animals.  Brandi apologizes for saying what she did last week about Cary being the nanny.  Cary and Stephanie both say that feel like that is so out of character for Brandi to say things that way.  It is completely coming to the surface that LeeAnne manipulates Brandi, creating problems in her friendships.

It is Cary and Mark’s seventh anniversary and she got an $8,000 Hermes wallet and a $12,000 Birkin bag.  I stress out when I buy a bag over $50.  Different worlds.

LeeAnne’s engagement party falls on she and Rich’s 8-year anniversary.  The party is carnival theme and gorgeous.  It’s my favorite colors of black, white and gold.  All the gals show up, with Cary and Stephanie really just being there to support Rich, whom they love.  LeeAnne tells Brandi if she crosses her, she will slit her throat.  I mean, who the fuck says shit like that?!  Yes, crazy people.

Brandi said she will go to LeeAnne’s engagement brunch, because she RSVPed so it’s the right thing to do out of respect for D’Andra, who is hosting.  They sit down and toast LeeAnne, then start chatting about getting along through all the wedding festivities.  LeeAnne likes to play victim, as if she is the only one who gets hurt in the relationship with Cary.  Brandi finally calls out LeeAnne, telling her that she lies and is constantly dishonest.  Brandi quotes things that LeeAnne has said and LeeAnne denies it, as we watch clips roll by where she was recorded saying exactly those things.  Holy fuck, Brandi flew off the handle at LeeAnne, which was absolutely deserved.  I am just over here like “YES!”  Because I can tell you this…whether you mean it or not, when you threaten to slit my throat, I have nothing to do with you.  Toxic people are a big NOPE for me.

Now, I understand that reality shows are edited to heighten the drama, but you can’t deny saying something when it is recorded.  Let’s just own shit we say.  Everyone speaks out of anger and emotion, but you have to admit that and not just fucking lie all the damn time.

The reunion part one for next week looks explosive and I can’t wait!




We are going to save his ass before he’s up hers

We start off this episode picking up at the end of the fight from last week ….supposedly Cary had said Brandi’s doctor killed people on the operating table.  Brandi swears Cary said that and Cary swears it’s made up.

Stephanie gets asked about her new house and Cary mentions she thinks it’s the same distance to the schools as the current house and Stephanie said it is closer to Cruz’s.  Then she gets emotional about his Dyslexia and now i’m emotional, not just because I relate to her struggle but because it is lovely to see the other moms supporting and comforting her.  No matter what differences people have, motherhood tends to bring women together.

A plan has been concocted by Brandi and Stephanie to try and get a room key to LeeAnne and D’Andra’s room to look for Sexual Chocolate, the dildo from last week that embarrassed Kameron.  Brandi says in the confessional that “We are going to save his ass before he’s up hers.”  Dying.  The plan, consisting of pretending to be LeeAnne and D’Andra, works and they find it under LeeAnne’s pillow, of all places.  I have to say though, my favorite part of this whole plan is how Stephanie keeps eating off their uneaten room service plates.


The ladies go out for an afternoon of boating with an open bar.  It’s super windy with rough waters.   There is plenty of drama and all the same old shit from the ENTIRE SEASON keeps being rehashed.  It comes out that LeeAnne said Mark gets his dick sucked at The Round Up and obviously Cary is livid.

Brandi whips out the dildo again.  Kameron literally leaves the boat out of embarrassment.  She says Brandi is trashy and that she doesn’t respect Stephanie either.

But y’all – the sneak peek for next week’s episode was amazing.  I can’t wait to come back and see what drama I can be annoyed about.

They’re a Statement Piece on Her Body

Welcome back to another week of petty drama.  It’s a good one, y’all.

Mark and Cary are discussing work.  She said she needs to go over to yoga and he wants her to stay and do injectables.  She also wants to go pick up Zuri.  And he is literally such an asshole about their work relationship… like, he can’t wrap his head around the fact that she’s not his employee – she helped him build the practice and is still a MOTHER.  Cary is a picture of that work-life struggle that so many of us face.  She has decided to take a step back from work after this surgery they are filming.  She tells Mark that’s her last surgery for now and he insists she will be back in six months, because she will hate being a stay-at-home mom.

Stephanie and Travis take the kids to see the new house.  Of course they love it and they are excited about the indoor pool.  Stephanie says it will cost over a million dollars just to make the house what they need it to be for the family and tells Travis covering the pool is nonnegotiable.  They finally come to an agreement that they can move in if the pool gets covered, the kids get a playroom added on, and Stephanie gets to make the decorating decisions (with him having veto power).  This is how marriage compromise works!

Stephanie is talking to her life coach and fuck, she has me crying again, talking about Cruz and his dyslexia…saying that he would call himself stupid because he couldn’t understand simple language concepts.  Every kid is different and our society doesn’t educate them with that in mind and I am glad that Cruz seems to have found a school that works for him.  Motherhood is something that should bring us together, because we all face the same issues no matter what our race, class, social status, or job title.  A multi-million dollar house doesn’t guarantee you an easy time in motherhood.

Brandi picks up LeeAnne for her breast surgery.  Here LeeAnne is once again talking about Cary, which seems to be just the norm for her.  Last week, Cary had bad things to say about the doctor that is performing LeeAnne’s surgery, so now she keeps reminding Brandi that Cary bad-mouthed her doctor last year too. Brandi tells us in the confessional that LeeAnne’s nipples really do point straight up (which we found out last week was why she’s having the surgery).  Brandi says she has never seen anything like them and would keep them because, “They’re a statement piece on her body.” Aaaaand I’m dying.

So then things get fucking weird when the doctor leaves the room and Brandi and LeeAnne are left behind closed doors, mic’d but without the cameras.  She essentially threatens Cary, telling Brandi that she is going to come for her…and that she doesn’t have knives but has fists that work.  Like, really?!  She is so fucking crazy.  She also says, regarding these ongoing rumors about Mark being gay, “Her husband gets his dick sucked at The Round-Up” and claims she knows the men who did it.  For reference, The Round-Up is a western gay bar in Dallas.  Now look, I need them to calm the hell down about this rumor.  One, it is rude and classless to gossip about your “friend” and her marriage.  Two, people have to stop talking about gay like it’s a bad thing.  Three, Cary and Mark’s marriage is just that – THEIRS.  None of anybody else’s business.


At the end of the episode, the ladies fly to Mexico for a girls’ trip.  I would love to have one of those some day!  As soon as they arrive, everyone is split into two groups, talking about this entire Cary/LeeAnne drama.

The best part of the entire episode though?  No pink dog food nonsense from Kameron.  Win.


I Feel Like I’m About To Hang Out With Ridiculous People

This was one hot episode and I am just going to hit the highlights here.

Kamryn and her husband go to Cary’s house for a nice dinner.  Naturally, Mark is annoyed that Zuri was allowed to stay for dinner.  She doesn’t want to eat.  She just wants chocolate.  I can’t take how Mark tells Cary, “anything she doesn’t eat, you’re going to eat.”  But it’s a pet peeve of mine for a husband to talk to his wife like she’s a child.  Fuck that noise.  Cary said he is not supporting her in balancing priorities in life, which is totally true.  She knew he would be a hands-off dad, but she also admits it would be nice to have some support when she feels like she is drowning.

Rich proposes to LeeAnne at the State Fair of Texas.  I’m glad, because I am so tired of hearing about how she wants him to propose.  Can I move on now?  I doubt it.  I’m sure we will have to hear all sorts of obnoxious shit about being engaged and wedding planning.

D’Andra prepping for this HonesTEA party, intended to get things out in the open.  I cringe at the way she is running around telling her housekeeper what to do.  Like, I realize she’s her employee, but there’s something condescending in her tone.

In the limo on the way to the party, Brandi says, “I look ridiculous, I feel ridiculous, and I feel like I’m about to hang out with ridiculous people.”  True dat.  I mean, she looks precious, but ridiculous people?  Spot on.

So as soon as they step out of the car, Kameron pops onto the confessional, telling us that Brandi is already breaking the rules, with her skirt above the knee.  She is so snotty, it’s uncomfortable to watch.  Y’all know I love a salty and catty betch, but Kameron is that disgusting type, who truly thinks she is better than someone due to social status.

So D’Andra has everyone writing down questions for ladies on a card and she reads them out.  All this shit comes out about Brandi not taking everyone to see her family in Tennessee – again.  Enough, Kameron.  You know you aren’t friends with Brandi…why in the FUCK would she take you to see her family?!  Brandi calls her a bitch.  Brandi is as over it as I am.  She walks off and tries to leave, but of course LeeAnne and Stephanie drag her back in.

It also comes out that LeeAnne is perpetuating lies about anything she can.  Shock.  Also, apparently LeeAnne is having plastic surgery by someone who is not a plastic surgeon.  Cary is familiar with the doctor, but LeeAnne makes it sound like Cary is just trying to sound smarter than her.  More potty mouth name-calling (the best kind) ensues.  LeeAnne cries and and makes herself a victim.  Of course.

They decide they want to all go on a vacation to Mexico together.  Okay then, crazies.

I say this all the time, but it bears repeating – if you aren’t watching this season, START NOW!

Enough about the dog food

Nothing like finally sitting down to my girls.  I get so excited to see what’s next!

I still can’t get interested in much that D’Andra has going on – stepmothering an adult is not that exciting for the viewer.  Sorry not sorry.

It’s real life with Stephanie and Cary being excited to be away from home and family obligation for a few days, joining Brandi to see her family in Memphis.  Feel.  That.

Okay we have to talk about Kameron and her motherfucking stupid pink dog food idea.  She finally makes a business pitch to her husband since he has been rolling his eyes at the idea all season.  He finally tells her if she can launch it for $10,000 she can proceed.  Now can we shut up about it?

I love how Cary, Brandi, and Stephanie are so fancy in Dallas, but they are gracious and real true ladies meeting this normal Memphis family.  These are the kinds of women I want in my life.  So Brandi and Stephanie are talking about planning to have babies together and I DIE because my  best friend Nicole and I did that with our last children.  We planned our daughters together and they were born weeks apart.


Brandi goes to her estranged Grandma’s house.  Brandi’s grandmother no longer speaks to Brandi because she formed a relationship with her grandfather and his wife.  I can’t with the family drama.  Just can’t relate.

She shows up and the dogs are barking at the door and it’s so awkward that she is not answering the door!  Brandi is begging for her grandmother to come to the door and it is so heartbreaking for me.  Family feuds continually frustrate me because people need to understand what they are giving up.  You don’t get the years and the days back.  I would give anything to be able to eat pickles in my grandma’s kitchen again.

Anyway, heartfelt episode that did not disappoint.  IF you aren’t already watching this show, jump on it!