There’s not a man on the planet that doesn’t like a fucking dildo!

Cary fills Mark in on LeeAnne’s rumors about him being gay and of course he is just so beyond over it.  I don’t know how any of the husbands and significant others in the Real Housewives franchise put up with the nonsense that goes on.

A lot of small things go on, such as D’Andra’s ongoing power struggle with her mother over the family business; Kameron always trying to make fucking pink dog food, LeeAnne getting fucking flesh eating bacteria around her surgery wounds.

And by the fucking way, let’s be honest – she felt like shit in Mexico, got off the plane and called over a hangover specialist to give her IV treatments so she could attend Brandi’s annual holiday party. Why? Because how the fuck else would she stir up shit?

At Brandi’s party, she and Stephanie are discussing how LeeAnne and Cary are both being a little two-faced.  But really?  Show me a gal who won’t call out the flaws and shortcomings of her friends, sometimes even in a bitchy and catty way.  Brandi is upset that Cary called her a liar.  The ladies all go to a more private space to discuss all the issues at hand.  Brandi ends up saying that Cary was the nanny when Mark was married to someone else, trying to prove a point that if Cary wants to assassinate her character, she can do the same back to Cary.  But then, Cary freely admits that is true.  Brandi is really not being herself, which even Stephanie can see.  The discussion of the dildo once again comes up, related to who is classy and who is trashy and blah blah.  The light of my life was LeeAnne saying, “There’s not a man on the planet that doesn’t like a fucking dildo!”  Oh.  Okay.

LeeAnne ends up in Cary’s face and Cary said her breath stinks.  LeeAnne smashes a glass and tells Cary to be REAL CAREFUL.  Fuck.  She no joke scares the shit out of me.  Serious anger issues with that one.

Shit show, I tell ya.  I’m here for it, y’all.


We are going to save his ass before he’s up hers

We start off this episode picking up at the end of the fight from last week ….supposedly Cary had said Brandi’s doctor killed people on the operating table.  Brandi swears Cary said that and Cary swears it’s made up.

Stephanie gets asked about her new house and Cary mentions she thinks it’s the same distance to the schools as the current house and Stephanie said it is closer to Cruz’s.  Then she gets emotional about his Dyslexia and now i’m emotional, not just because I relate to her struggle but because it is lovely to see the other moms supporting and comforting her.  No matter what differences people have, motherhood tends to bring women together.

A plan has been concocted by Brandi and Stephanie to try and get a room key to LeeAnne and D’Andra’s room to look for Sexual Chocolate, the dildo from last week that embarrassed Kameron.  Brandi says in the confessional that “We are going to save his ass before he’s up hers.”  Dying.  The plan, consisting of pretending to be LeeAnne and D’Andra, works and they find it under LeeAnne’s pillow, of all places.  I have to say though, my favorite part of this whole plan is how Stephanie keeps eating off their uneaten room service plates.


The ladies go out for an afternoon of boating with an open bar.  It’s super windy with rough waters.   There is plenty of drama and all the same old shit from the ENTIRE SEASON keeps being rehashed.  It comes out that LeeAnne said Mark gets his dick sucked at The Round Up and obviously Cary is livid.

Brandi whips out the dildo again.  Kameron literally leaves the boat out of embarrassment.  She says Brandi is trashy and that she doesn’t respect Stephanie either.

But y’all – the sneak peek for next week’s episode was amazing.  I can’t wait to come back and see what drama I can be annoyed about.

That’s okay, you’re not my kind of fun

So we are back with another week of gossip and drama.  The ‘wives are still in Mexico and let me tell you – Kameron is still snooty as fuck.  Cary is pulling out her bikini for the day and Kameron says it is a very skimpy suit but cute “for you.”  Backhanded compliments are kind of her thing.

Brandi and Stephanie decide to put a dildo into D’Andra’s bag as a joke.

While the ladies are consuming tacos and tequila, D’Andra pulls out the dildo from her bag.  Naturally Kameron says it’s disgusting and it’s not funny to her at all.  She literally runs away from it and is super offended by the whole ordeal.  She says that is just not her idea of fun and Brandi says “that’s okay, you’re not my kind of fun.” BOOM!

Later while they are getting ready for the evening, LeeAnne tells D’Andra about her engagement.  Tears and shit.  I’m still over here, not caring.

At dinner, Brandi says of Kameron, “She seems to be offended by a lot of things.”  So then Kameron has to say that she is not a person who would go to a strip club (as the others did before).  So Stephanie calls her out for judging.  Kameron naturally says she isn’t judgmental but that other people judge her…. to which Brandi replies, “I’m not the one who judges someone because I don’t have a Highland Park fucking zip code.”  This is true.

LeeAnne breaks the tension by announcing her engagement to everyone.

The next day, Stephanie and Brandi take an extra-sudsy bubble bath with champagne while LeeAnne, D’Andra, and Kameron are at the spa.  I will tell you, Stephanie and Brandi definitely have my type of fun.  I would have much rather when over my head in all things bubbly.

At dinner, they of course get tequila shots.  What is a Mexico trip (or a night at the Stockyards, for that matter) without tequila shots?  Brandi starts a game of two truths and a lie, but when it comes up to be Cary’s turn, she decides to confront LeeAnne about how she threatened Cary’s life to Brandi.  This then leads to Cary and Brandi arguing over whether or not Cary said Brandi’s plastic surgeon has killed people.  Cary denies she said that and that she had told Brandi to be careful and do her research.  But I could slap the fucking smug off LeeAnne’s face.  She is absolutely LOVING that Brandi and Cary are fighting.  What kind of person delights in other friends fighting?  Oh, right, LeeAnne.


Are you still not watching this season?  You have to!  Next week looks incredible!

They’re a Statement Piece on Her Body

Welcome back to another week of petty drama.  It’s a good one, y’all.

Mark and Cary are discussing work.  She said she needs to go over to yoga and he wants her to stay and do injectables.  She also wants to go pick up Zuri.  And he is literally such an asshole about their work relationship… like, he can’t wrap his head around the fact that she’s not his employee – she helped him build the practice and is still a MOTHER.  Cary is a picture of that work-life struggle that so many of us face.  She has decided to take a step back from work after this surgery they are filming.  She tells Mark that’s her last surgery for now and he insists she will be back in six months, because she will hate being a stay-at-home mom.

Stephanie and Travis take the kids to see the new house.  Of course they love it and they are excited about the indoor pool.  Stephanie says it will cost over a million dollars just to make the house what they need it to be for the family and tells Travis covering the pool is nonnegotiable.  They finally come to an agreement that they can move in if the pool gets covered, the kids get a playroom added on, and Stephanie gets to make the decorating decisions (with him having veto power).  This is how marriage compromise works!

Stephanie is talking to her life coach and fuck, she has me crying again, talking about Cruz and his dyslexia…saying that he would call himself stupid because he couldn’t understand simple language concepts.  Every kid is different and our society doesn’t educate them with that in mind and I am glad that Cruz seems to have found a school that works for him.  Motherhood is something that should bring us together, because we all face the same issues no matter what our race, class, social status, or job title.  A multi-million dollar house doesn’t guarantee you an easy time in motherhood.

Brandi picks up LeeAnne for her breast surgery.  Here LeeAnne is once again talking about Cary, which seems to be just the norm for her.  Last week, Cary had bad things to say about the doctor that is performing LeeAnne’s surgery, so now she keeps reminding Brandi that Cary bad-mouthed her doctor last year too. Brandi tells us in the confessional that LeeAnne’s nipples really do point straight up (which we found out last week was why she’s having the surgery).  Brandi says she has never seen anything like them and would keep them because, “They’re a statement piece on her body.” Aaaaand I’m dying.

So then things get fucking weird when the doctor leaves the room and Brandi and LeeAnne are left behind closed doors, mic’d but without the cameras.  She essentially threatens Cary, telling Brandi that she is going to come for her…and that she doesn’t have knives but has fists that work.  Like, really?!  She is so fucking crazy.  She also says, regarding these ongoing rumors about Mark being gay, “Her husband gets his dick sucked at The Round-Up” and claims she knows the men who did it.  For reference, The Round-Up is a western gay bar in Dallas.  Now look, I need them to calm the hell down about this rumor.  One, it is rude and classless to gossip about your “friend” and her marriage.  Two, people have to stop talking about gay like it’s a bad thing.  Three, Cary and Mark’s marriage is just that – THEIRS.  None of anybody else’s business.


At the end of the episode, the ladies fly to Mexico for a girls’ trip.  I would love to have one of those some day!  As soon as they arrive, everyone is split into two groups, talking about this entire Cary/LeeAnne drama.

The best part of the entire episode though?  No pink dog food nonsense from Kameron.  Win.


I Feel Like I’m About To Hang Out With Ridiculous People

This was one hot episode and I am just going to hit the highlights here.

Kamryn and her husband go to Cary’s house for a nice dinner.  Naturally, Mark is annoyed that Zuri was allowed to stay for dinner.  She doesn’t want to eat.  She just wants chocolate.  I can’t take how Mark tells Cary, “anything she doesn’t eat, you’re going to eat.”  But it’s a pet peeve of mine for a husband to talk to his wife like she’s a child.  Fuck that noise.  Cary said he is not supporting her in balancing priorities in life, which is totally true.  She knew he would be a hands-off dad, but she also admits it would be nice to have some support when she feels like she is drowning.

Rich proposes to LeeAnne at the State Fair of Texas.  I’m glad, because I am so tired of hearing about how she wants him to propose.  Can I move on now?  I doubt it.  I’m sure we will have to hear all sorts of obnoxious shit about being engaged and wedding planning.

D’Andra prepping for this HonesTEA party, intended to get things out in the open.  I cringe at the way she is running around telling her housekeeper what to do.  Like, I realize she’s her employee, but there’s something condescending in her tone.

In the limo on the way to the party, Brandi says, “I look ridiculous, I feel ridiculous, and I feel like I’m about to hang out with ridiculous people.”  True dat.  I mean, she looks precious, but ridiculous people?  Spot on.

So as soon as they step out of the car, Kameron pops onto the confessional, telling us that Brandi is already breaking the rules, with her skirt above the knee.  She is so snotty, it’s uncomfortable to watch.  Y’all know I love a salty and catty betch, but Kameron is that disgusting type, who truly thinks she is better than someone due to social status.

So D’Andra has everyone writing down questions for ladies on a card and she reads them out.  All this shit comes out about Brandi not taking everyone to see her family in Tennessee – again.  Enough, Kameron.  You know you aren’t friends with Brandi…why in the FUCK would she take you to see her family?!  Brandi calls her a bitch.  Brandi is as over it as I am.  She walks off and tries to leave, but of course LeeAnne and Stephanie drag her back in.

It also comes out that LeeAnne is perpetuating lies about anything she can.  Shock.  Also, apparently LeeAnne is having plastic surgery by someone who is not a plastic surgeon.  Cary is familiar with the doctor, but LeeAnne makes it sound like Cary is just trying to sound smarter than her.  More potty mouth name-calling (the best kind) ensues.  LeeAnne cries and and makes herself a victim.  Of course.

They decide they want to all go on a vacation to Mexico together.  Okay then, crazies.

I say this all the time, but it bears repeating – if you aren’t watching this season, START NOW!

Enough about the dog food

Nothing like finally sitting down to my girls.  I get so excited to see what’s next!

I still can’t get interested in much that D’Andra has going on – stepmothering an adult is not that exciting for the viewer.  Sorry not sorry.

It’s real life with Stephanie and Cary being excited to be away from home and family obligation for a few days, joining Brandi to see her family in Memphis.  Feel.  That.

Okay we have to talk about Kameron and her motherfucking stupid pink dog food idea.  She finally makes a business pitch to her husband since he has been rolling his eyes at the idea all season.  He finally tells her if she can launch it for $10,000 she can proceed.  Now can we shut up about it?

I love how Cary, Brandi, and Stephanie are so fancy in Dallas, but they are gracious and real true ladies meeting this normal Memphis family.  These are the kinds of women I want in my life.  So Brandi and Stephanie are talking about planning to have babies together and I DIE because my  best friend Nicole and I did that with our last children.  We planned our daughters together and they were born weeks apart.


Brandi goes to her estranged Grandma’s house.  Brandi’s grandmother no longer speaks to Brandi because she formed a relationship with her grandfather and his wife.  I can’t with the family drama.  Just can’t relate.

She shows up and the dogs are barking at the door and it’s so awkward that she is not answering the door!  Brandi is begging for her grandmother to come to the door and it is so heartbreaking for me.  Family feuds continually frustrate me because people need to understand what they are giving up.  You don’t get the years and the days back.  I would give anything to be able to eat pickles in my grandma’s kitchen again.

Anyway, heartfelt episode that did not disappoint.  IF you aren’t already watching this show, jump on it!


I Make the Money, So

Another week of petty bitchiness has arrived.

Stephanie and Travis go to the house he bought. Their designer meets up with them to walk through some ideas.  She brings a black swan float and Travis gets on it in the entryway pool, which cracks me the fuck up.  Stephanie still wants to cover the pool and said she should be allowed to make changes as she sees fit, since he chose to buy the house without her. He wants tacky shit like a glass elevator.  She is telling him his ideas are tacky, when he comes out and says, “I’m the one making the money, so.” Oh. No. He. Didn’t.  So disrespectful and unnecessary.

LeeAnne is speaking at a charity event and y’all. I can’t stand to hear her speak. She seems so fucking fake and I almost fast forwarded her clip but I didn’t want to miss any petty bullshit. The ladies are all talking about how Travis and Stephanie got a new house, saying that they think she chose it just to try to get into the Dallas social scene; Brandi didn’t even know she had bought a house. Later, she comes to see Stephanie’s fancy ass house and loves it.  I am living for them being reunited.

D’Andra goes to lunch with LeeAnne and criticizes her for her Two Face “Stephanie” Halloween costume. LeeAnne wants to be inspirational and a motivational speaker, but her behavior is fucking opposite. LeeAnne thinks Stephanie is using Kameron to social climb and she just can’t take it.  D’Andra reminds her “You need to reconcile your behavior with who you want to be.” PREACH.

Brandi and Stephanie meet up for a “first date.” Tequila shots then drinks and gossip, of course. They got into a discussion on how LeeAnne thinks Stephanie just wants to be into the social scene. They also discuss Kameron and Brandi does an amazing impression of Kameron that has me in stitches.

Then, at Zuri’s birthday party, complete with ponies and shit, Brandi breaks out a gift of Jack Daniels for Stephanie and Cary. She is inviting them to go to Tennessee with her to see her grandfather. Kameron says it’s awkward and starts schooling Brandi on etiquette… honestly, she is the one making it awkward and she needs some damn etiquette training herself.

So yeah, more of the same weird relationships going on and I am eating it up.

Did you watch this week?

Look in the mirror, bitch.

So back again for another week of catty drama and rich people problems. I’m here for it.

One thing I love about the entire Real Housewives franchise is that there are always those wives you can completely relate to.   They have the same issues we have sometimes.  Cary is a working mother and her daughter and her husband both are constantly needing her full attention.  What mom can’t relate?

Kameron had worked full-time before she got married and her husband doesn’t want her to work.  He does want wants her to excel at running the house – the “CEO” of the house.  She of course has her own goals, such as starting a ridiculous line of pink dog food, which her husband constantly dismisses.

Now, I think her idea is moronic, but I am bothered that he doesn’t at least listen to her dreams.  For example, as she is packing the kids for a trip to Cabo, she just mentions to him that it sucks that the trip lines up with a dog costume contest, because that would have been a good opportunity to network around her dog food idea. He just flat out says “you need to get over that idea.”  Rude.

Stephanie started seeing a therapist when she was first having issues with Brandi.  She updates the therapist with the Brandi saga.  Mentions how she felt rejected at the party last week.  She feels like so much damage has already been done and can’t be fixed.  They were already asked to judge a dog costume contest awhile back, so she is nervous about the fact that they will have to interact soon.

Cary and Brandi are at lunch and Cary asks Brandi if she wants to come to a Stylemaker event where her husband Mark is a finalist. Stephanie is going to be there, so she wants to make sure it won’t be uncomfortable for her.  Cary is sort of in the middle but is trying to be open to everyone.  Stephanie had sent a text saying that Cary said LeeAnne was up to her old tricks.  Cary denies she even said that.  Cary just wants to be able to have a group of friends she can trust.  Tears.  Because of course.

D’Andra meets up with a marketing coordinator to work on skin care line for her mother’s company.  Her strength is in ingredients and not on the finances, so she has to run the new product by her mother.  Back from vacation her mother comes over to discuss business.  She is pretty critical of D’Andra which is fucking annoying to watch. When D’Andra mentions they need to rebrand, mother shuts her down.  I am so bored with these two and their classic “child joins family business and mom thinks she’s an idiot” issues.

Stephanie and Travis are looking at houses closer to Dallas.  They are currently in Las Colinas and she spends too much time in Dallas to not live there.  He takes her to a house he loves and she instantly is like NOPE.  Because y’all…there is a pool in the entryway.  House’s asking price is $8.2 million and is 8631 square feet.  We see extravagant (UGLY) chandeliers and $100,000 wallpaper (also ugly).  Toilet has a fancy bidet that can even “stimulate” the lady parts.  Because why not?  A “lounge” with a movie screen and hot tub that overlooks a view of an outdoor area that is “central park-esque.”  She has to remind him they need to discuss it and make the decision together because he tends to just buy shit.

At the Stylemaker awards, Mark does not win.  Cary brings up that she is getting pissed, because of the text message Stephanie had sent to Brandi about LeeAnne.  Stephanie had been wanting to protect Brandi by letting her know things LeeAnne has been saying about them and their relationship.  Stephanie is learning to just quit repeating what people say.  Cary decides she is just staying the hell out of it all.  Yeah, sure.  No such things with these bitches.

Stephanie is all of us, as she cooks in the kitchen while the boys play with their chips and roll around on the floor.  Travis comes home with champagne and she is so damn happy to see it.  Girl, I feel that.  He tells her they won the bid for the house and Stephanie is a little nervous about that because she does not want a pool in the damn living room, because HELLO DOGS AND KIDS.  She totally doesn’t think it’s fair that he made that decision without her…rightfully so.  Stephanie tells him this is not a good home for their family and they should flip it and buy something else.

LeeAnne dresses her dog as a hot dog for the costume contest, so she dons a hot dog costume herself.  At the event, Brandi, LeeAnne, D’Andra, and Cary sit down and talk about the text between Brandi and Stephanie.  Stephanie and her kid show up with the dog and the tension is cringeworthy.  After Brandi and Stephanie judge the contest, they rejoin the ladies and all the same nonsense starts again.  LeeAnne is of course jumping back in with the fucking text message because she has to make everything about her.  Stephanie tells LeeAnne that she’s scary and manipulating.  LeeAnne says “look in the mirror, bitch.”  LeeAnne can NEVER take criticism and I am so over her.  I was really hoping she wouldn’t be back this season.  If this could be the last, that would be great.

Stephanie is trying to apologize for mentioning her in the texts and LeeAnne is shutting her down.  Stephanie says in her confessional, “I know she’s dressed as a wiener, but she’s acting like a dick.” That is super accurate.  Everyone agrees that Brandi and Stephanie need to  sit down AND DISCUSS THE ISSUE….you know, as adults do.  Stephanie is crying because their kids are friends and this is hurting their families.  Stephanie doesn’t know what she did wrong and Brandi said she stepped away because she felt like her friendship wasn’t appreciated . Both in tears, agree they need to talk.  All the tears.  As a huge fan of them as a dynamic duo, I need this to be over.

If you are not watching this season, you may want to hop in.  Next week looks like a super intense Halloween party!